New Orleans Square and Pirates of the Caribbean

I loved it. Simply loved it. Appropriately south of Critter Country lies New Orleans Square. I've never been to the real New Orleans, my parents have (pre-Katrina) and they have some wonderful stories about the city. I don't think the Disney version can compare or whether I will get the opportunity to go, but old New Orleans is a place and an era I've loved ever since I listened to my first jazz and big band records.

Imagine a cobblestone marketplace with a bandstand and a jazz band playing. The street are narrow with French signs on the cafes and shops. A large saloon style upper verandah stands in the full afternoon sun. On it stands a large black woman in reams of taffetta, giant puffed sleeves, elbow length gloves and feathers stuck in her pomadour hairstyle. She sings the Bayou jazz to the boys in the band on the street level. When she descends the stairs and draws the crowd closer you can see the sheen of sweat beading above her makeup. It's a hot day but nothing would stop her from wearing her finery. There is the smell of fried chicken and cornbread in the air and something vaguely swampy.

I knew there was a Pirates of the Caribbean "something new" at Disneyland but I wasn't sure if it was a display, exhibit, ride or show. It didn't matter. We passed on the "Haunted Mansion" and with Bec in tow I was determined to see the Pirates. We waited the longest all day- about 20 minutes which was not bad at all.

The most unpleasant thing that day happened when we were standing in the crowded line. There was a very good looking family, Mum, Dad and a girl (about 10 years) and a boy (about 8 years) in front of us. Mum had picked the precise time of being in a crowded line of about 100 people to have a quiet but heated go at her husband for something unknown (I was politely trying not to look or listen). The girl who was the same age and the same gentleness as my niece tried to interrupt the argument (Dad was looking unhappy and cornered) by asking her mother something. Mum spoke harshly to her "You're the kid and I'm the adult and you're interrupting- go over there". My goodness, this child looked whipped and she and her brother kept as far away from them as possible until they got on the ride. The parents completely failed to notice. Bec and I were appalled.

I wanted to hug the girl and have word with the parents. Sure, some things need to be sorted, but at Disneyland? If there was ever a day a child would remember being unhappy by sheer contrast to how the day should have been, it would be there. There's something to be said for the right place at the right time.

Speaking of the right place at the right time, it WAS the right place at the right time for me to finally meet Johnny Depp. Well, his wax animatronic model anyway. I'll confess, ever since he stepped out in that bandanna in 21 Jump St, he's been top of my list of "If only..." My affection goes beyond the bandanna (though I guess you could argue that he is wearing one in Pirates). He is one of the better screen actors of his generation.

The Pirates ride is a ride, a display and an exhibit all in one. The distinction I make is that a exhibit doesn't move and a display often has moving parts. We clambered aboard a low boat indoors in the dark on a swampy river. What amazed me as our boat was propelled along the river by unseen hands was that we could see a little ways away, an old Creole outdoor restaurant in the middle of the bayou, with gas lamps on each table. It was a real restaurant and people were having a late lunch there. It was incredible. Outdoors it was bright sunlight. Where we were was in the middle of a bayou drifting on a silent boat past romantic couples eating by lamplight.

As we progressed, our boats arrived at "Port Royal" from the film, all by night. All the pirates were animatronic wax models that moved and spoke so realistically like humans it was fascinating. There were pirates coming out of pubs arguing, there was a pirate talking about hidden treasure to another while Captain Jack Sparrow popped his head out of a nearby barrel to listen in, we drifted past the Port Royal Gaol, where the prisoners were still trying to convince the dog with the keys to come for the bone they were waving.

We drifted onto Tautoga pirate town, where the atmosphere got rowdy. Prostitutes chased men out of the saloons on a track waving bottles at them (all animatronic wax models), pirates sang sea shanties at us from a footbridge overhead and there was the jingle of gold everywhere. Onwards again and we found ourselves in "open sea". The sense of space seemed to go on forever but I realised this was a visual trick- rather than walls, they had mounted distant screens or cloth and projected graduations of light to imply that the night sky went on forever. We found ourselves in the crossfire of a battle between the Black Pearl and Port Royal. As expected , there were flashes of light and puffs of smoke as the "cannons" went off. What I didn't expect were corresponding "plops" of water around us where the cannons were aimed, nor a blast of hot air in my face as a "musket" was shot nearby from the ship. That level of realism was amazing.

We progressed on to the "treasure cave", where another Captain Jack Sparrow was slouched in a chair, his stolen golden crown askew amongst all the treasures singing, "Yo ho ho, a pirate's life for me. Now if you be so kind as to see me to my ship" . A brilliant ending to a fantastic ride.

It was one of the few places no photos were permitted. You'll just have to go there.